Be My Boyfriend

I hope my future husband never sees this.

BMB’s coming out of hibernation with Beijing Bieber on a bull.  The Chinese equivalent of John Cusack in Say Anything, Beijing Bieber knows that the way through a woman’s heart is through music.  Also many thanks to my father; that cow was my dowry.  Be my boyfriend, Beijing Bieber on a bull.

The Artist Formerly Known as Misha Lederman carries with him a unique Swedish flamboyance and charm, clearly reflected here with above puffy shirt.  He could drape himself in velvet for all I care.  Oh wait, he did.  Be my boyfriend, Artist Formerly Known as Misha Lederman.

Y’all might be getting tired of Nick Wooster, but this should be indicative of the fact that I clearly am in a serious, long-term relationship with him.  On the internet.  Boy Scout Wooster fulfills a lot of fantasies, but mostly one that I’ve always had of racing a car in the cub scout derby.  Stupid Girl Scouts and their cookies.  Be my boyfriend, Boy Scout Wooster.

(via roseoutofchaos)

Urban Santa Claus is fit from riding his bike around the city.  His belly no longer shakes like a bowl full of jelly, but I’m okay with that.  In fact, I’d rather that it didn’t because it reminds me of this:

Homer Simpson

Be my boyfriend, Urban Santa Claus.

Foxxy Jamie Foxx (you knew that was coming) rocks this combination afro-mullet with pride and honor.  There’s a party in the front AND a party in the back AND a party on the sides.  I’m an indecisive girl, so I’m really glad I don’t have to choose between business and party here.  Be by boyfriend, Foxxy Jamie Foxx.

(via roseoutofchaos)

Gd used to chill with the Israelites as a pillar of smoke.  This pillar of smoke is chilling with Nick Wooster.  Let’s put two and two together here.  Eat your heart out, high school algebra teachers.Clearly Nick Wooster is a MOT (member of the tribe for all you non-MOTs) and therefore boyfriend material for this little Jewish girl.  Be my boyfriend, MOT Nick Wooster. 

(via roseoutofchaos)

Exotic and erotic Uriel Yekutiel takes the word מהמם to new heights.  He lives in TLV, has a mustache, wears leotards, and is homosexuali, which most of my friends know is my type.  Be my boyfriend, Uriel Yekutiel.  

Jude Law in a bowler is just so darn sharp.  His romantic escapades are the envy of every girl, self included.  Sometimes he even forgets how many kids he has!  Oh what this girl would give to be the mother of that forgotten child.  Be my boyfriend, Jude Law in a bowler.

Bert of the celebrated duo Bert and Ernie here reminds me of earlier cross-armed BMBer Alec Baldwin, plus one unibrow and minus one chest rug.  I didn’t even realize Bert had legs til now, but that’s usually but not always a bonus.  Unclear where Ernie would fit into this equation.  Be my boyfriend, Bert of the celebrate duo Bert and Ernie.

(via roseoutofchaos)

Tom Ford.  Squinty-eyed?  Check.  Sexy?  Affirmative.  Gay?  Yes.  But Rachel Feinstein famously said, “He once put my breast in his mouth”.  You know, my Hebrew name is Rachel.  So hope springs eternal!  Be my boyfriend, Tom Ford.

(via gthegentleman)